Letters He'll Never Read
by jesswrites
Summary: When Freddie disappears without rhyme or reason, Sam writes Freddie letters. Letters she can't send to him because she doesn't know where he is. My first multichap, so be kind! Seddie.
1. One Week

**September 2010**

"Freddie Benson, I know you're out there somewhere!" I mumbled to myself as I searched through my book bag to find a pen and paper. "Oh, screw this, this is the 21st century!"

I flopped down on my bed and grabbed my laptop and pulled up Microsoft Word.

_Dear Freddie Benson,  
You are a slimeball, you know that? You can't just up and leave Seattle without rhyme or reason! Everyone wants to believe you're dead, don't you know? Your mom's been searching for you for a week now, and she's a wreck. She thinks I killed you, actually. Lies. I have no idea where you are and I wouldn't care except Carly and your mom are both wrecks._

_Carly hasn't gone to school for two days, since you disappeared. She won't shower, she won't eat, she won't sleep, she won't play games or text, she won't even talk to me or Spencer or anybody. And it's all your fault, Fredwardo. And you say I'm selfish. Well, what you say is what you are._

_Your mom's gone nuts. She won't clean your house, her favorite pastime. And that scares me deeply. She's been searching through every single person that you, her, I, Carly, Spencer, Gibby, or our teachers come in contact with's criminal records. Obviously, I have a slight issue, but she's finally come to a close. She's thinks you're dead, Freddie. She thinks you're not coming back._

_So don't say I'm being selfish about wanting you home. I just want things to be the way they were before. And if you're not dead, I will kill you, Freddie. For what you've done to everyone._

_Signed,_

_Sam Puckett_

_PS- I hope you burn in… never mind._

I finished my letter, printed it, put it in an envelope, stamped it, and put the return address. Only then did I realize my one major flaw in my plan.

I didn't have Freddie's address. I don't even know if he's still in the US!

So I ran downstairs, got an empty shoe box, and laid his letter in it.

Because I would find Fredward Benson. I swear to ham.

Author's Note: This is going to be my first multichapter. I'm very nervous. However, I'm going to upload it all in one night, so I'm not putting ya'll through agony.

If I didn't say this before, this is set in Sam's POV, in the present year.

Freddie's gone missing, and Sam doesn't want to believe he's dead. It should be, let's see, five chapters long or so? I don't know.

Well wishes to Haiti. You're in my prayers.

Reviews are love,

jesswrites


	2. One Month

**October 2010**

He'd been gone a month. 30 days. And there's not even any signs he's still alive.  
But I know he is. Boys like Freddie Benson don't just die. He was healthy.

It was after school, and I had just gotten home. I pulled up Microsoft Word and began typing to Freddie, like I had done every week since he had disappeared.

_Dear Freddie,_

_Today marks the one month date. You've officially been missing for 30 days. The police have given up on you, you know that? They think you're dead._

_I know you're not. Your mom won't hold a funeral until they discover a body, which they won't ever do, because you're sorta still using your body, aren't you?_

_  
Thanks to you, Freddie, Carly won't even let me near her house. Or her. She told me that I'm the reason that you've gone missing. That you ran away because I'm mean to you. She finally started coming to school though. She hangs out with Wendy and Jake and Griffin and all the populars. They graciously accepted iCarly because it's a tragedy. She's a good story, and when her story of her tech producer mysteriously disappearing gets old, they'll dump her like yesterday's news. I just know it._

_I also know I'm not your reason for leaving. I know that much._

_You know I don't mean it, right? You know I really do care about you, right?_

_I'd be so incredibly ticked off if you left because of me! I'd leave you alone if you wanted me to; I'd never talk to you or harass you ever again if you just came back. For Carly, of course._

_She's cancelled the show, too. It's not on hiatus anymore, but actually cancelled. She sold the site name. We're like a ghost. We're not real anymore. We're just a good story, the web comedians whose tech producer disappeared off. Whose tech producer died. Even though I know you didn't._

_Signed,_

_Sam Puckett_

I finished the letter and put it in the box with the others, but not before enveloping and stamping it first. It'd been a month, but he'd come back. I know so.

Author's Note: Chapter two done! Did you like it? It's real short, I know, but as far as venturing into the multichapter fanfiction universe, I wanted to take baby steps. This is a place to start, right? Oh, and I forgot to before, but thank you, reviewers. I'm always amazed by how such talented people think my writing is good. I also noticed that some of my favorite authors have been reading my fics, so thank you all! Your reviews are always supportive, helpful, and kind, and I love you guys!

Reviews are love,

jesswrites


	3. Six Months

**April 2011**

It's my birthday today. But it's not the same. I got one less 'happy birthday, Sam' then I got last year. One less speech at my non-existent party because Carly still won't talk to me. She thinks it's all my fault. Isn't that jank!?

I started my routine again, writing my weekly letter I wouldn't send.

_Dear Fredison,_

_It's my birthday today. And you're still not here. Why not, Freddie? You can't even send me a freaking card?_

_I know you're not gone. You're not dead like your mom wishes you were. My mom says all this psycho babble like she wants "closure". But no, she just doesn't want to have to put up a good fight, to find you and save you._

_Where are you, Freddie? Why won't you come home? Is it my fault, like Carly said it is? Do you miss us? Do you even miss me?_

_I'm sorry, Freddie. I didn't mean to push you away._

_Why won't you at least write us a freaking letter? Why won't you at least call us and tell us you're still alive? You're making your mom fall off the deep end, with all her worrying. She can't decide whether to hold out hope that you're alive, or allow her hopes to be crushed by you._

_That's a horrible thing to do, Freddie. And coming from me, that means something._

_Some girl told me a few days ago that she was sorry for my loss. She told me she feels sorry for me. I told her to flip off. She just sighed and walked away._

_Why is everyone so quick to give up on you? You're still alive, I know it, Freddie, but I also know you're not coming back until you decide what you should do. Carly, or your mom, or school, and most certainly not me can make you come back._

_I hope you find what you've been searching for, Freddie. I hope you find it real soon._

_Signed,_

_Sam Puckett_

_PS- Come home for your mom. She's missing you._

Once again in my routine, I addressed, enveloped, and stored the letter.

One of the many letters you won't ever read.

Author's Note: Okay, Well, I hope you like this. I'm sorry if this is OOC, but Sam's very emotional in this chapter. First of all, she's blaming herself about Freddie's disappearance. Plus, Carly won't talk to her, it's her birthday and Freddie's still gone, and no one believes her that she thinks he's still alive. Someone being gone does crazy things to people, in unexpected ways.

Reviews are love,

jesswrites


	4. One Year

**September 2011**

It's the one year anniversary. Fredward Benson has been dead for a year. And today is Tuesday, and I had history class this afternoon at Ridgeway. I felt sick halfway through class and the teacher gave me a hall pass to use the restroom. I wasn't a bad girl anymore. I wasn't some big tomboy that everyone was afraid of. I was just Sam Puckett, girl who had a best friend who died.

But when I made it to the bathroom, I felt so overwhelmed. I just slid along the wall until I hit the floor and cried. I cried for myself. I cried for Freddie. I cried because Carly was different now, she was a bad girl, a rebellious, skanky popular. I cried because Mrs. Benson still hasn't had the heart to accept the fact that she'd never find her son. Because he's _dead._ It's been a year and he's not back. They'd found his body, somewhere in the woods. He was riding his bike down the sidewalk and was hit by a car. The guy was likely drunk and shoved him into the wood. The accident was hit-and-run. He was dead on contact. I remembered everything. Every moment I spent with him and every moment I didn't.

I remember when I was little. It was winter time, and I was still living in Indiana with my mom. I would build snowmen in the front yard with her, and we'd play in the snow. There was a wicked long icicle hanging from the awning. I told my mom that she should take it off the roof and put it in the fridge. To save it. She walked up to me and picked me up, and walked me over to where it was hanging off the awning. "Sammie, honey, you can't be selfish. You can't preserve something just because you love it. You can only love it while it's here, and then wish it well when it's gone."

I don't exactly know why this reminded me of Freddie, but hey, it's the same principle: you can't preserve something forever; you can only love something while it's here and be glad you had it once when it's gone.

He's gone.

But I'll still write to him.

_Dear Freddie,_

_It's been a year. Why aren't you back? Why are you still wherever?_

_Maybe I should just accept the facts. Maybe I should just accept that you're dead. That you're gone and never coming back to me. To Carly. To your mom. To iCarly. I'll never been in that family of happiness, of you, me, Carly, and Spencer that I was in for two years._

_I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that only the good die young._

_You know what Freddie? I think I love you. Not past tense. Not 'loved'. I love you right now. Even though you're not around. Just know that, Freddie. I love you._

_I miss you,_

_Sam Puckett_

I finished this final letter. I put it in an envelope and into the box. Then I got dressed into my good clothes, because today was his memorial service.

Author's Note: OOOOHH, cliffhanger!! Yay! Next chapter should be the last. The funeral. I hope you've enjoyed my fic and I'm sorry for any mistakes.

Reviews are love,

jesswrites


	5. One Year: The Funeral

**September 2011, The Funeral**

I sat down in the funeral home in my black dress with my black shoes. I had to dress up nicely for his funeral.

I'm surprised Mrs. Benson even invited me. Carly would have told her heck no, but maybe she didn't ask. I looked around the room, and Carly wasn't here.

She probably didn't want to come. To come to her best friend's memorial.

What a skank sack.

The man who had a name I didn't pay attention to walked up to the front of the room and started the service. "Hello. I would like to welcome you all to the memorial service of Fredward "Freddie" Benson."

The service started with a couple of church hymns that Freddie probably didn't even like. I didn't know Freddie was even religious.

Mrs. Benson then walked up to the podium. "Hi, I'm Marissa Benson. Freddie and I were so close. We had quite a good relationship, and he will be remembered…" Mrs. Benson went on and on about Freddie. Then she gestured for some of Freddie's AV buddies, Freddie's grandparents, and finally me up to the podium.

"Hi. I'm Sam Puckett. Freddie and I had quite a unique relationship. He was a nerd, sorry, I was a bully, he was smart, and I was dumb, he was nice, I was mean. We were so different. However, I like to consider me and him best friends. I was closer to Freddie than I was to almost everyone in my life, except Carly Shay, who excuse me, totally flaked out on me. We did a webshow, iCarly. Freddie loved that show. I did too. I hold on to the nights that we watched videos and went over comment boards carelessly. I didn't know it would end so soon. And since I have no one else to say this to, here we go: I'm sorry, Freddie. I'm sorry I called you a nub. I'm sorry I was so mean. I'm sorry for everything. But here are a few things I don't regret: I don't regret making friends with you. I don't regret making you stronger. I don't regret being your first kiss. And finally, I don't regret falling in love with you, even though things between us were so complicated. I love you, Freddie. Thank you." I walked nonchalantly to my seat next to my mom who was looking at me like I was insane.

"You were in love with him?" she whispered in my ear.

"Not was. Am. I am in love with my dead best friend," I replied, quietly. "And I don't regret it."

The rest of the service went by pretty uneventfully. However, it was time to take his body for burial.

It was raining, not heavy, but steadily, when we got to the cemetery. They lowered the body into the ground and covered it with dirt. I didn't cry, though.

Everyone slowly dispersed home. My mom didn't even go to the burial and I told her I'd walk home.

I sat down next to the grave. On the headstone it said:

_Fredward "Freddie" Benson_

_1994-2010_

_Son and Friend_

_He will be missed._

In my purse, I had paper flowers. Flowers made of the letters I had made. 52 letters. One per week. I laid them on the grave.

"So, this is it, nub? This is it? You're really gone, aren't you?" I whispered.

"I'm sorry, Freddie. I really am." I whispered the lyrics to "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan. I was making the piece of paper that had my eulogy written on it. "I don't regret loving you, Freddie. You were too good for me. We never could have been anyway. We're impossible, Freddie. I love you. I miss you. And every week, I'll bring my letter in a flower. It'll be our way, right?"

I lifted myself off the ground and dusted my dress off. "I love you, Freddie. I always did. I always did." I dropped the final paper flower onto his grave, and allowed a tear to drop onto it.

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by.  
Weep not for the memories._

**___OPTIONAL EPILOGUE___**

Little did Sam Puckett know, a certain Freddie Benson was watching the above stated from a high altitude. "I love you, too, Sam. I always did and always will."

Author's Note: This is it!!! Do you like it? It's sort of sad, but I think the optional epilogue adds a lot to the sadness factor. It makes it seem better.  
Thank you to all my lovely reviewers and keep Haiti in your prayers. And… just so you know, I probably won't be able to post anything until next weekend. This week was awful with homework and the homework forecast does not seem too good.

Reviews are love,

jesswrites


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